i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
