oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
