Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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