When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
