I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
from now on my penis is your penis
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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