It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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