I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Randomize
