I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
this hospital has no fireball
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
