just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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