I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
