last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We are all done wearing pants today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
