I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's just like the Real World with babies
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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