If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize