she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
