Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize