Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
