we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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