We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
