Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
