Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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