What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
