So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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