your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
