i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry about my life...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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