Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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