I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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