He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
