I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
