i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
