after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
