it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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