I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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