Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you didnt know i had herpes?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
