yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize