I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
