Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
