Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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