YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my liver is dry heaving
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
