jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
