did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
