when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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