looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Floor bacon is actually really good
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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