They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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