I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
