Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
