Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
