She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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