I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
