I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Randomize
