Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
