he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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