Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
