Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
