Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
