look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
