what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize