If that was your dad, he is hot
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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