smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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