Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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