Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
