A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's official drugs can't kill me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
