Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
